KENNY REPLIES

Hey Myte. What’s up? What’s up everyone else who's reading? Imagine my surprise when I checked to see how Myte’s blog is comin’ along.
And I just gotta say this. What the hell is wrong with you, Myte? Who do ya think you are? George “Where does the hand go on the seam again, Dad” Allen? “You old macaca you”??!!!
Well, you no good son of a penguin you!!! Geez, Myte! Now I know it was just a friendly slur, but hey. Watch it! Okay?
And as for you askin’ whether I’m bein’ too harsh in talkin’ about the religious fundamentalists, well. Let me tell ya.
Hard hitting? Ha! Ha, I say! That was like kisses from the Secretary of State compared to what I really feel.
I mean these people are headaches. Pains in the asses.
Back some years ago, folks would say about the religious nuts overseas that, you know, kind of killing them was just playing into their hands.
The ass backwards logic was that they want to die, they want to be martyrs, it’s just what they want.
And just as I was then I still am a world class humanitarian. I think we should always be there to help our fellows in need. Thusly, for all those people that strap explosives to themselves or drive truck bombs for the religiously ecstatic thrill of mindlessly violent death, I say, “Hell. Let’s accommodate as many of ‘em as we can.”
Now that’s the easy part. Yep. It ain’t quite as easy here at home.
As I said, the lulus of rabid sanctimony over here can’t get away with as much shit as the ones abroad.
But a lot of them still have this death fixation thing goin' on. You may not have noticed. But take a look around. Every time some jack ass shoots off an oversized bottle rocket in the Middle East, folks come out of the wood work. “This is it! This is the end! This is the big one!”
Basically their view seems to be this: “We’re all gonna be dead soon. Ain’t it great?”
Okay, that might be oversimplified some what. They’ve got this ‘rapture’ thing. And I guess that’s like 144,000 or some such number of really good people get whisked away to heaven before the death and carnage.
And, hmmm??? Not a word about several dozen virgins waiting for them either. Don’t know about you, but I think I’ll take the suicidal Islamist fantasy over our home grown suicidal religious fantasy.
Another thing. Have these folks ever calculated their odds? 144,000? Out of everyone alive now, everyone that’s ever been alive? Including, whether they like it or not, you know, like Cro-Magnons, Neanderthals, and yes, even those cute lil Australopithecenes? Shit. They might as well be rollin’ on the Power Ball. On the face of it, they just probably aren’t gettin’ in, no matter how smarmily and psycotically sanctimonious they are.
As I was sayin’. Their view, in a nutshell, is this: “We’re all goners. Ain’t it cool?”
In other words they’re suicidally bug house. And while they aren’t wearing money belts of dynamite or anything like that, you kinda get the creepy sneaking suspicion that, if they could, they’d be more than happy to precipitate some sort of apocalyptic cataclysm. I mean, just to say they were right.
Okay. So they're not going around exploding themselves at Pizza Huts and we can’t really, in good conscience, treat ‘em like, you know, Neccos at a plinking range.
But I wish they’d maybe do something. Maybe look through the archives. Kind of pick up on some options. Options like. Okay, maybe a bad example. But just maybe, if it wasn’t for murdering legislators and nasty quirks like that, the Guyana wack jobs, their impulse at least was to really not be a bother to anyone else.
Likewise the more subdued folks out in San Diego a few years ago. You know. The purple shrouds? The seconal and vodka guys? Yea, them.
A little backhanded to say maybe, but, hey, they had the decency and consideration to say basically, “Okay, we’re sorta suicidal, it’s part of our religion, but hey. We don’t really want to be a nuisance or a headache. And, not incidentally (please note, tub thumpers!), we don’t want to drag anybody else into this with us.”
Hint hint. Hint hint. Nudge nudge. Wink wink.
Okay! Now don’t y’all go getting your backs up over my supposed callousness. Think about it. What would we be missing?
Is less need for hypertension treatment and a reduced market for analgesics such a bad thing?
Oh hell! It’s late. Damn, I wish they kept driving ranges open all night.